


Hunger Games: Appendices

by orphan_account



Series: Hunger Games AU: Golden Wings [4]
Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-08-07 01:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16399112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: *Rating May Change*Hunger Games AU Part 1 - One SparkThis is a collection of scenes that add to the Hunger Games AU stories. Some of it is alternate scenes that I almost had happen but changed. It will also contain added scenes and sequences that broke up the flow of the original stories.First Scene: One Spark JJ Project KissSecond Scene: A Prelude to a Burning FireThird Scene: That Day





	1. Appendix A - One Spark - Chapter 9 - Jinyoung & Jaebum kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Appendix A

Welcome. This story will contain new and alternate scenes attached to the Hunger Games AU. I will release scenes as I continue to write it on here.

*****  
**  
**Scene: Jaebum & Jinyoung Kiss  
Takes Place: One Spark Chapter 9 - JJP Fight

 **REASON FOR BEING CUT: Early on Jaebum starts for develop feelings for Jinyoung but Jinyoung does not feel the same way due to being so focused on winning the games. This sequence would have established an uneven sort of relationship with them because Jinyoung would have felt like there were no expectations on him. A part of him really is drawn to Jaebum but he wasn’t ready to confront that and I felt a slower burn on their relationship was necessary. They will eventually have their moment but for now enjoy this alternate take on the bedroom fight.  
**   
*****

"What the hell is all this to you?" Jinyoung let his anger out, "I knew you were an asshole but you had me convinced there for a minute you actually cared!" Jaebum was not taken aback by his outburst, the elder seemed very calm as if he was expecting it. Of course he was, he had a read on Jinyoung from the beginning. It was Jinyoung who was blocked out from understanding the other.

"Jinyoung now is not the time..." Jaebum was cut off.

"So you get to decide what time is good?" Jinyoung questioned, "like you've decided everything else without asking me. I'm not someone you can just manipulate and toy with!” He felt so much anger, he was even surprised by how easily it flowed. Why was he so angry? What had he actually expected from Jaebum?

"I never thought that," Jaebum responded unfazed.

"Then what the hell was that yesterday?" Jinyoung questioned, "and this now? Why did you do any of this? You literally keep pushing and pulling around based on what you want, and I don’t know what that is! I was beginning to trust you! Do you know what it is I want? I just want to go home, I want to go back to my brother not fight your war! I don’t want any part of this!” Jinyoung pushed at what he could.

"Well Jinyoung not everything is about you and what you want," Jaebum snapped, anger flowed from him as well, "if you stopped being so self centered and just looked around yourself for 5 damn minutes you would know that."

"What are you getting at?" Jinyoung questioned. He was angry the elder would talk to him like that.

"You care more than that!" Jaebum said, “there is no way you'll ever be content with just going home and going on the way things were before. Nothing will ever be the same for you. You know that, I know that. You're more than you realize, you could be much more if you just opend your eyes!”

"I don't want that!" Jinyoung said, "I never wanted that. I'm not your savior, I'm not your victor! I'm not your toy!"

“I don't understand what you’re mad about," Jaebum said. “These words you’re saying they’re not yours, or mine. I never said any of those things, I’ve never felt that way!” 

"You're playing a game Jaebum," Jinyoung responded to him.

"Well so are you," Jaebum replied, "so is everyone in this damn country. No one lives their lives without being sucked into President Yang's game! You’ve always lived a game Jinyoung, you’re just now realizing it!” Jinyoung was about to talk and Jaebum cut him off to continue, “You think you're immune to it? You think you can win here and escape it? So many people think that, then they die. Because that's what happens. You think that winning is a way out? It's not! I tried that."

"You did that to yourself,” Jinyoung shouted at him, "you chose to defy him."

"You know nothing." Jaebum said it softer, he shook his head defensively. Hurt, Jinyoung had hurt him. 

"Then why don't you tell me!" Jinyoung shouted. He didn’t think Jaebum deserved to feel hurt after what he’d done. “Tell me why. Why would you put the President's target on my back on purpose? Why did you defy him when you knew he had the power to kill your family! You’ve seen what he’s done yet you wanted me in the same danger as them? What makes you think I'll get out?" 

"You're using BamBam's words," Jaebum said, "He doesn't know! He never lived in the districts, he was born and raised here in the capitol. He doesn't know what it is like to watch his sister starve, to put his name in 100 times to save the lives of his family! It didn't matter what I did to help my family. Nothing the Capitol or the President offers could ever matter!”

"Jaebum," Jinyoung replied, "it's not about that! It's about what you did, what you're doing to me right now!"

"See it has everything to do with them," Jaebum replied, "everything I do does. You're more than you realize. You could be everything, you could be the person who finally tips the balance in our favor! Jinyoung you could save us all!" He didn’t want that, he didn’t ever want that. He wished the world they lived in was different, but he knew he couldn’t be that person to change it. He didn’t want to be the person who lost everything in a war that was impossible to win. So many had tried, he couldn’t win, he knew he couldn’t.

"Then my point still stands," Jinyoung said, "you never cared about me, you only care about your agenda."

"See your wrong," Jaebum said to him, "I don't have to do what you what to prove anything to you. From the first day I saw you I knew I was never going to let you die. And you don't realize this but the target was always on you. You're everything Yang fears, you were the moment you volunteered. You were never going to have it easy, I didn’t do that to you. I just changed the game enough to where when you win your victory means something." 

"And if I die?" Jinyoung asked, "you seem to be in denial that it could happen!" Jaebum didn't say anything, his expression was unreadable and closed off. It was like so many moments he’d already had with Jaebum. Jinyoung could chose to walk away, he could run away. But he stood there because he was waiting for Im Jaebum to offer him something to explain what he was planning, anything. He wanted Jaebum to say anything.

He breathed out, tired of the games and lies. Jinyoung turned to walk away.

He didn’t get the chance. Hands came around his shoulders and he was turned back, face to face with Jaebum. He was about to push him away when Jaebum pushed him back hard towards the wall and connected their lips.

Jinyoung gasped in shock, his eyes widened. He pushed at him with his hands, but Jaebum had such a hard grip on him. Jinyoung tried to push away, his brain barely registering anything but heat. His back hit the wall, Jaebum worked his lips against his mouth. Jinyoung opened his mouth as Jaebum pushed his tongue in. Jinyoung responded, he stopped pushing as he felt heat from where Jaebum gripped him. He’d never felt anything like the feelings suddenly rushing through his body.

Jaebum kept kissing him aggressive, tongues dancing as Jinyoung responded. Jaebum’s hands left his arms and came around his body, pulling him closer. Jinyoung melted against him, unsure what was happening but realizing he could get addicted to the feelings he was feeling. Jaebum’s hands moved against his back, he was aggressive. Jinyoung couldn’t fighting him off, he could only give in to how he felt.

It was Jaebum’s hand sliding down that broke Jinyoung out of the haze that clouded his mind. Jaebum’s hand moved down too close to his ass and he pushed back against him and moved his head away to disconnect their lips. He was breathing hard as he met Jaebum’s electric gaze. He’d known something was different in Jaebum’s demeanor he hadn’t realized… the elder felt like that towards him. Jaebum’s gaze softened as he looked at Jinyoung who was breathing heavy. Jinyoung was sure the look in his own eyes was one of being terrified. He had no idea how to respond, except to continue to try and push Jaebum off him.

“I won’t let you die,” Jaebum said softly, that was his answer to Jinyoung’s question. 

Jinyoung was still shocked, breathing in shock as he stared at the elders gaze unsure how to respond. He’d lost whatever fight he’d had in him, whatever anger he had in him because he was so shocked. Jaebum moved down to capture his lips again, as if claiming Jinyoung as his. Jinyoung made a noise and pushed back against him again. Jaebum moved his face away again and Jinyoung felt like he was shaking. Unsure how to respond this. He’d thought Jaebum didn’t care, that Jaebum was just using him but things went deeper than he’d realized him.

Everything Jaebum had done… he liked Jinyoung more than Jinyoung had realized. All the touches, gazes, careful advice and Jaebum pulling Jinyoung to sleep in his bed with him. It all made sense, realizing that Jaebum liked him as more… Jinyoung wasn’t sure how to respond, he didn’t feel the same way… did he? He questioned it in his mind, he was so unsure.

Why was he even questioning it?

“Let me go,” Jinyoung pushed him hard and tried to get him off. Jaebum responded by listening and letting him go. Then Jaebum turned away. Jinyoung leaned back against the wall, his mind wanted to run but his legs weren’t moving. He had to get out of there, he had to stay. He didn’t know what was going on.

“Understand,” Jaebum turned back to him, “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I will do everything in my power to bring you back, to bring you home to your family safe. I can promise you that much.” Jinyoung opened his mouth to speak but no words came. He stepped forward, he intended to leave. He didn’t know what to say or how to respond to what had just happened. He breathed deep, shaky, heavy. He wanted to run away, didn’t he? Jaebum stood there looking at him hopeful, Jinyoung didn’t know what for. He tried to turn to walk by him, to get by him. Jaebum put an arm out and grabbed his arm.

Jinyoung leaned in to him almost automatically. He was so afraid, so very afraid of what was coming. He was so unsure. He couldn’t figure out his own mind, he couldn’t figure anything out but Jaebum’s arms came around him in comfort and it felt safe. So he leaned in to it. He let Jaebum kiss him again softer, he didn’t know how to resist or run away.

He let Jaebum take him to his bed, lay him down and wrap him up again. He shook his head and breathed deep. He pushed his forehead into Jaebum’s chest and felt exhaustion coming to claim him. His mind had too many racing emotions, he knew he couldn’t give back what Jaebum wanted. He couldn’t feel anything, he could only focus on the fact that the games would begin… and when they began… Jaebum would protect him. Jaebum wasn’t going to let him die.


	2. Appendix B - A Prelude to "A Burning Fire"

*****  
 **  
Scene: Youngmin Seds Jaebum Away  
Takes Place: Between "One Spark" and "A Burning Fire"**

**REASON FOR BEING CUT: This is more of a bonus scene that doesn't fit where "A Burning Fire" begins nor fits within the ending of "One Spark". Unlike the alternate kiss scene this is "cannon" for the AU and something that does take place between the stories. We will meet our heroes in "A Burning Fire" after they get through this time.**

****  
*****

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum sat close, an arm still around his shoulders as he leaned back and breathed in relief. “You’re safe now. It was just a dream. It’s over.” He spoke words like that over and over as Jinyoung adjusted to lean his head on Jaebum’s shoulder. His constant, his safe harbor.

“Is he alright?” Jinyoung heard Youngjae’s voice in the doorway. 

“Youngjae,” their father called for him, “get away from there.” Jaebum was upset with how Jinyoung’s father kept reacting. He seemed to think there was something wrong with Jaebum being there. It had been two weeks since the games, he was just trying to help Jinyoung as best he could but Jinyoung’s dad made things difficult. He clearly didn’t understand what Jinyoung had gone through or what he needed to make it through. Jaebum knew what it was like, he was the best person to help. Jinyoung’s father made it no secret he didn’t like Jaebum, nor did he want Youngjae around Jaebum.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung said as he curled more into Jaebum’s side, “why won’t they stop?” The nightmares, the haunted things that came when the games ended. Every victor went through it. The panic attacks, the terrifyingly real nightmares of what had happened, and the survivors guilt. There was a feeling that it wasn’t over, those were things he understood well. 

“It gets better,” was all he could say in response. It never would fully leave him, Jaebum knew that. What changed was their ability to cope with what they’d experienced and there will to move forward. He still had his fair share of bad dreams that came with being in the arena. All the victors were hardened by what they’d lived through.

“Are you going to stay?” Jinyoung asked him, he could tell the younger was feeling sleepy. Jinyoung had just told him a couple days before when Jaebum was there he could sleep without nightmares. But Jinyoung’s father told him that he didn’t want him staying there. It was Jinyoung’s home but Jaebum wanted to respect his father and the place he had in Jinyoung’s life.

“If you want me to stay,” Jaebum said, “I’ll stay but…” He wasn’t sure how to respond or to bring it up. 

“I want you to stay hyung,” Jinyoung said and he wrapped his arms around Jaebum and settled in to sleep. Jaebum smiled lightly as he shifted to wrap both his arms around Jinyoung.

“Okay,” Jaebum said as they both settled in, “I’ll stay.”

*****

The night was a peaceful one and morning came and Jaebum woke up to Jinyoung saying his name. He was glad Jinyoung slept peacefully when he was there, he stretched out and let go of the younger. They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to. He brushed Jinyoung’s hair from his face then got up, knowing it was best for him to get ready to leave. He had some business to attend to that afternoon. 

“Thank you,” Jinyoung said and Jaebum turned back to him. He was laying on his side still clutching onto his blankets.

“Get up soon,” Jaebum said, “try to get out and do something today. Don’t just lay here.” That was the hardest thing for Jaebum to get through to him. He couldn’t wallow and think over the things he was afraid of for the rest of his life. He had to get up and face each day. The day before Jaebum had visited several times throughout the day to find Jinyoung in the same place, laying in his bed staring out the window. It was a beautiful spring day, Jaebum could smell the flowers in bloom through the open windows. 

“Will you come back?” Jinyoung asked him. Jaebum sighed. He’d known exactly what they’d be facing. He intended to stay with Jinyoung through as much of it as he could. He hadn’t had anyone to help him through the traumatic experiences of the games. 

“When I do come back,” Jaebum said, “I expect to find you doing something, or maybe I won’t find you at all. The forest is beautiful right now.” Jinyoung had been avoiding the forests. According to Mark, who didn’t particularly like Jaebum, it used to be hard to keep Jinyoung out of the forests. It was where he’d grown up, with his bow, and where he’d learned to survive.

“Okay,” Jinyoung said but he curled up more in his bed like he had no intention of leaving it. Jaebum turned to leave the room, he turned back one more time.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said. Jinyoung just grunted, he’d closed his eyes. Jaebum smiled, rolled his eyes and exited the small room. On his way down the stairs he smelled food coming from the kitchen and when he reached the bottom he saw Jinyoung’s father staring at him with coldness in his eyes.

“I need to talk to you,” Youngmin said to him. Jaebum knew the older man did not like him, he didn’t understand why. He’d only been trying to help Jinyoung, something the older man seemed to be determined not to do. He treated Jinyoung’s panic attacks like a contagious disease and wouldn’t let Youngjae near Jinyoung when he was having trouble. Jaebum had witnessed it several times.

“What is it you want to talk about?” Jaebum asked him.

“I don’t want you in this house anymore,” Youngmin said, “nor around him. You got that?” Jaebum sighed, he wasn’t going to leave Jinyoung just because his father had issues with him.

“This is Jinyoung’s house and it’s Jinyoung’s decision,” Jaebum responded.

“I am his father,” Youngmin said. Jaebum didn’t understand what the elder man thought he did that he wanted him gone. “I am his father and I know what’s best for him.” Jaebum didn’t know what the history was but there was a huge rift between Jinyoung and his father. Jaebum hadn’t asked, he didn’t want to push Jinyoung to tell him anything he didn’t want to. He knew what it was like to have more unpleasant things he would rather not talk about.

“What’s best for Jinyoung is that we all work together to help him cope with what he endured, “Jaebum argued, “I understand the position he’s in. I have been in the games before and I can help him.”

“He doesn’t need your help,” Youngmin responded, “he needs me and he needs Youngjae. You don’t think I know all about you? I know your own rebellious acts got your sister killed, I know why your parents left.” Jaebum clenched his fists, he didn’t want to talk about it. He knew many in the district village knew the truth. It was unavoidable that the story had spread.

“This isn’t about me,” Jaebum responded, “or what I want. I want to help him, and I will continue to help him.”

“You want him to lead your idea of rebellion,” Youngmin accused, Jaebum stiffened. He couldn’t deny that had been something on his mind when he’d began but that had changed. He had grown to care about Jinyoung, to want to protect him and help him through what happened.

“I want him to recover,” Jaebum responded, “that’s all I want. Jinyoung makes his own decisions and he wants me around. I’m not trying to do anything but help him.” 

“If you want to help him you’ll stop interfering,” Youngmin responded, “you’ll stop coming here, because you’re the one that ruined him in the first place.”

“I didn’t ruin him,” Jaebum replied, it was the games. The games made everyone like struggle. There were so many reasons the games messed with one’s mind. Why couldn’t Youngmin see that.

“Like I said, I know you Jaebum,” Youngmin said, “you want to start a war, that’s what you’ve always wanted. Jinyoung will have no part in this, I won’t let you make him anything more than what he is.” Jaebum couldn’t deny that was what he’d set out to do. When he’d begun he’d seen an opportunity in Jinyoung, something about him stood out to Jaebum as the first real chance the’d had. He had tried to manipulate what he’d wanted to happen but in the end Jinyoung surprised him and everything had turned out better than he could have hoped.

“You may know who I was,” Jaebum said, “but things have changed. I just want to help him, that is the truth.”

“Then stay away from him,” Youngmin responded, “he is nothing to you. He isn’t your family and he will never love you.” Jaebum was surprised with what the man said, he’d hadn’t meant… his intention wasn’t… He turned to leave.

Youngmin did strike a nerve and Jaebum knew he was right. His intentions, his idea of things, Jinyoung wouldn’t see it the same way and he knew that. It was best to leave him to his family, to let them care for him and help him. They loved him like Jaebum’s family never had, that was why Youngmin was even trying to get Jaebum to see. He’d done wrong, he’d tried to do the right thing yet still he’d done wrong.

Jinyoung’s actions were in part because of what he’d done.

“I will stay away from him as you ask,” Jaebum said, “but you need to realize, what he went through is more than you can imagine. He’s hurting, he needs you there like you’ve never been.”

“I know what my son needs,” Youngmin said, he strode past Jaebum to the door to open it. “You can leave, now.” 

Jaebum saw the rejection in his words, he wanted him gone for good and dealt with. Jaebum felt defeated as he listened and walked out the door. He would stay away. Jinyoung’s father was right, he was the one that Jinyoung needed. It wasn’t Jaebum and it would never be. He strode out the door and into the street. He walked quickly towards the village.

He needed a drink.

*****

Jaebum didn’t come back.

Jinyoung woke up in the late afternoon, it was warm. Jinyoung waited.

Jaebum didn’t come.

The sun set. His father tried to get him out of bed. Youngjae brought him dinner but Jinyoung just waited for Jaebum to come back. 

He didn’t come.

Jinyoung fell to sleep and the nightmares took over again, and when he awoke in fear there was no one there to remind him that it was all over. 

He cried alone.


	3. Appendix C - Pre-A Burning Fire - "That Day"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - Thoughts of Suicide, Implied Suicide attempt.

**Trigger Warning: Implied attempted suicide, thoughts of suicide.**

**Scene: Jinyoung hits his lowest point following the gamesTakes Place: Between "One Spark" and "A Burning Fire" after Appendix B**

**REASON FOR NOT BEING IN THE ORIGINAL: This is “cannon” for the AU, these events are described in chapter 18 of A Burning Fire and referenced throughout A Burning Fire as the worst times. It is the time Jinyoung hit his lowest between One Spark and A Burning Fire. It didn’t fit in the timeline of A Burning Fire, I also wasn’t sure I would ever write it because of how heavy it is but here it is. Mind the trigger warning before proceeding.**  
— — — — —

_Nightmares…_

He tossed, sweat coated his body.

_“JUNG KOOK DON’T,” Jinyoung shouted and ran. He ran with all his might trying to get there before it happened. His eyes widened as he watched the sword stab through the small boy._

_“JUNG KOOK!” He screamed._

_“It’s going to be okay now,” A voice spoke in his mind as he ran, the snow was thick on the ground. He couldn’t move fast enough to stop it. He stumbled before Jungkook._

_“No,” Jinyoung cried, “no please you can’t go. I have to save you.” He closed his eyes as he pulled the small boy close to himself. “I have to save you.”_

_“Jinyoung,” He opened his eyes and looked down and was horrified as he realized the child in his arms was Youngjae. He gasped as he looked down to see Youngjae bleeding, a gash in his abdomen so large. Jinyoung cried desperate and put his hands against it._

_“Youngjae don’t,” Jinyoung cried and sobbed, “don’t, don’t please don’t.”_

_“Jin—— Jinyoung…” Youngjae started to choke._

_“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung cried, “I’m sorry, please don’t go.”_

_“Jin…young…” Youngjae’s eyes shut and he breathed out and went cold as Jinyoung sobbed. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to loose his brother. He didn’t want to loose him. Tears streamed down his face._

_“No Youngjae,” Jinyoung choked out sobs, “Youngjae!” His body disappeared from his arms. He sat back in his knees looking at the blood on his hands in the snow._

_IT’S YOUR FAULT_

_Jinyoung cried as voices spun around him like the bursts of snow that broke out. The white snow was stained rend with blood. He cried as he looked up at it. There was a fire beyond._

_YOU DID THIS_

_He cried, he wanted it to stop._

_“PLEASE STOP,” Jinyoung put his hands against his head, “PLEASE!”_

Jinyoung woke up screaming, please stop. He cried out and his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t breathe. It was so real, so real, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe and he didn’t want to see it again. He cried out, he couldn’t breathe. He was hyperventilating within seconds, his heart bursting at a high speed within his chest. There was no way out, no way to escape the images. Every time he shut his eyes the images haunted him.

The games. 

The events of the games couldn’t be erased from his mind. He cried and rocked himself. He had to get it to stop. Had to breathe. I couldn’t tear the memories from his mind, they plagued him and played over and over. It flashed before his eyes over and over. He didn’t feel like it had ended, like it could end. He didn’t feel safe.

He couldn’t breathe, the panic was so strong coursing through his body. He reached but there was no one there, no way to get out. No one was there to guide him out of the haze, he reached for nothing as he tried to find a way out. The forest was dense before him, the snow kept falling. But fire. It was on fire, he couldn’t see even though there was so much light. 

He tried to call out with everything within him he tried to call out. He felt like a hand was holding his throat, like a weight was pushing at his chest. He couldn’t breathe so he couldn’t cry out for help. Tears streamed down his face and he couldn’t scream out for someone to help him. No one was there to help him. He couldn’t breathe.

It scared him so much, he knew he would pass out from it and if it didn’t stop he could die from it. He was afraid because if he passed out the images would come back and if he died… if he died.

He tried to scream again, his thoughts were like a swirling storm threatening everything that he was, threatening his life. 

It didn’t stop and he let his body go as he fell into unconsciousness. It was brief and when he woke up his head hurt but he could breathe. His instincts had taken over to stop the sputtering of his breath. His body had forced him to breathe, forced him to keep going. He was shaking, his head was pounding. Everything was dark around him. The sun was just rising. 

He curled in his bed, tears streaming down his face. He felt more alone than he ever had in his life. Alone… He’d been desperate but no one had come, he couldn’t call out. He couldn’t keep going the way he was. The pain was ripping him apart. The fear of what had happened and the fear that it could happen again. He was so scared because he knew more than anything that the games weren’t the end. They had brought so much fear and paranoia into his life.

They had broken him. The Capitol had broken him with their games. He couldn’t push past the memories. The nights he’d had hope and the days that his hope was ripped from him. He’d collapsed to his knees in the snow, in that field because he’d wanted to die.

He’d lived, no, he’d survived just like his whole life he’d just survived. But surviving wasn’t living. Surviving had once been his way to protect his brother, but after his win his family would always have whatever they needed. He was so tired. The images in his mind, the nightmares and the fear that threatened him at every turn…

He couldn’t shake the things that had happened in the games and what they had done to him. He was more afraid of falling asleep and seeing those images again than of dying… 

Dying.

He’d wanted to die. It had been the way out…

He stood up, he felt dizzy and unbalanced from the stress his body had been through. Day after day things had gone wrong, he couldn’t push past it. He walked out of his room, there was no one there. No one in the halls, no one came to find him. No one cared that he was falling apart and losing his grip on reality. There was no one to come for him. Jungkook had died. Sana had died. He was left with nothing.

He walked down the halls, down the stairs, to the door. The warmth of the late spring morning greeted him. It was the only warmth he ever got. There was nothing he could do but stumble in the dusky appearance of the morning. He stumbled and tripped to the ground. He looked down and wondered what he was doing. What more could he do?

He looked up towards the last house before the gate to the village.

Jaebum’s house.

He could go there, he could go and knock and cry and beg and ask Jaebum why he’d left him. He’d said he would come back but he hadn’t come back. Weeks had gone by and Jaebum hadn’t come back. He’d left Jinyoung, abandoned him, alone. Jinyoung breathed deep as tears filled his eyes again. No one tried to help him, they just kept saying that he’d be fine. They just kept telling him to get up, that it was all okay now so he should just shake off the things that haunted him.

They didn’t get it. Jaebum was supposed to be the one who understood, Jaebum was supposed to stay with him. Jinyoung pushed up off the ground and walked towards the gate. There was nothing left for him. It would keep happening, he couldn’t get the images out of his head. He couldn’t move past it. He was broken. He wasn’t himself. He couldn’t fix the mess in his mind.

There was no coming home. There was no going back.

There was no way out from the nightmares before him. The things he feared were no longer specters and shadows. They were a part of him. A part of him he couldn’t get rid of just by wishing it away. He would have to kill them, he would have to destroy them. That was the only way out.

He walked like a man gone mad, he walked towards the forest. The spring…

He found the gap in the fence easily and slipped through. He stumbled down the hill. Mark knew the forest well, Mark knew how to track. He breathed from the ground he had stumbled down to. He needed to collect himself, he needed to be strong. He needed to get through without leaving a trace, a trail to be followed.

He gave up as he kept struggling to walk in the overgrown brush of the forest. They would find out eventually, find out too late. Find out when the sun was high in the sky… 

They wouldn’t find him. He wouldn’t be there anymore.

The truth was, he hadn’t been there since the games. He’d already died in the arena.  
— — — — —

Jaebum had never ran so fast in his life. The sun was overhead, the day long dawned. The words echoing in his ears as he let his feet carry him as fast as he could towards the gap in the fence and towards the forest.

_JAEBUM, JAEBUM PLEASE HELP ME_

Youngjae had been sobbing crying when Jaebum had answered the door. He’d looked everywhere…

_Jinyoung’s gone, he’s gone, I can’t find him, he’s gone and dad’s working and Mark’s at the mines.”_

Jaebum had promised he’d find him, told him to wait. Jaebum ran towards the break in the fence with all his might. Jinyoung hadn’t been out of the house in weeks, Jaebum knew things were bad but he’d thought he was making the right decision in leaving him to his family. His heart pounded. How could he have been so stupid?

_He has been crying, he keeps crying. Please I need help, someone needs to find him._

Jaebum had told Youngjae to wait, he had to move quickly. Jinyoung… He had to think, he had to look. There were signs around him as he entered the forest, signs that it had been disturbed. He breathed deep as he slowed and began to search for them, began to follow them.

He couldn’t lose his head in his panic over the situation. Jinyoung was fine, he would be fine, he kept telling himself he wasn’t going to find his worst fears. His heart pounded as he found the fresh signs of someone being in the forest. If it wasn’t Jinyoung then he’d be running in the wrong direction but he didn’t have time to think about it. He was scared as he watched the ground and the foliage and followed the unsteady path of the person ahead.

Jinyoung had to be okay, he had to be. 

Jaebum felt like his heart was going to leap from his chest. He tried to keep his thoughts focused on the task in front of him and not the fears running through his mind. For all he knew Jinyoung had just finally found the energy to leave the house and wanted to see the forest. Jaebum knew too much, the sinking feeling in his heart told him that wasn’t the case.

Nature was the last thing new victors wanted, the things of the forest would remind Jinyoung of what he’d seen. The worst part was the forest was a good place to get lost, a good place to hide. Jaebum was confused because he found more and more signs of someone having walked through the forest. 

It was a sign of what was wrong, a sign the person wasn’t thinking too hard about hiding. Jinyoung was focused on something else.

Jaebum kept going, kept searching. Tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he was frightened at the thought of the worst outcome in his mind. If something happened to Jinyoung he knew that would be on him. He should never have left, he should never have let anyone stop him from staying by Jinyoung’s side. Jinyoung needed him to stay.

Jaebum remembered what happened when he won. How messed up he was in his mind, how everything frightened him. He remembered the nightmares, the trauma and the flashbacks to the things that happened. There were still days that the memories came back to haunt him, to try and suffocate him. But he hadn’t lost like Jinyoung had, he hadn’t carried care for anyone that was in the arena with him. He hadn’t watched friends die for him.

Jinyoung had changed, the games had changed him. The games changed everyone who entered them. Most died in the arena but the victors had to live on with the knowledge that there was no going back to who they were before. That drove many mad. It took time for Jaebum to overcome his own nightmare.

A new nightmare formed in his mind. He’d lost everything, he’d lost all he had. His sister, his family, it had all been torn from him. His biggest fear was that he was about to lose something he’d gained. He’d been alone for so long, years had passed and he’d had no one. 

He couldn’t hold back tears as he searched the forest, he kept going deeper and deeper. Each moment he became more and more afraid. He finally had someone. He’d finally saved one. After years alone, thinking there was no way he’d ever win, yet hoping it was possible… he finally had someone. 

Jinyoung had come back to him. He couldn’t lose him.

He kept walking, kept hoping, kept searching until he finally saw some thing. His breath caught as he saw a figure through the trees, standing still. 

“Jinyoung!” He called and he ran forwards towards the person, he knew who it was. He could feel it. 

He kept running towards him, the boy didn’t turn as Jaebum emerged into the clearing where Jinyoung stood staring at the sky. They were deep in the forest, the sun was getting lower in the sky. Jaebum didn’t know how long they’d been out there, how long he’d been searching or how long it would take to get back. 

Jinyoung’s fists were clenched as he stared. His eyes were red, his body was trembling slightly. It was cold, Jinyoung had no jacket on, his clothes were too light for being outside. 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum called out to him, he didn’t want to startle him, “It’s okay. Youngjae came to get me, I’ve been looking for you everywhere…”

Jinyoung didn’t look at him, his fist clenched tighter and Jaebum hadn’t realized… he’d just been so happy to see him alive. He hadn’t thought of why Jinyoung’s fist was clenched. There was a trace of red running down his knuckles, a juice of some kind of berry. 

His heart stuttered in fear, he didn’t think twice. He rushed and grabbed Jinyoung’s wrist before the boy could move. He looked him in the eyes and Jinyoung’s eyes met his. There was so much emptiness there, deep in his eyes Jaebum could see it. He knew what Jinyoung intended, he knew what was in his hand. His heart feared he was too late, that Jinyoung had already done it.

“Let go of me,” Jinyoung said forcefully and he pushed at Jaebum. Jaebum shook his head, he started crying.

“No,” Jaebum said, “no Jinyoung stop.” Jinyoung tried to get his arm out of Jaebum’s grasp. Jaebum wasn’t going to let him. He moved fast and twisted Jinyoung’s arm. Jinyoung cried out as Jaebum forced his fist opened and out from his hand fell exactly what Jaebum had expected.

Nightlock, deadly poison.

Jinyoung cried and tried to push Jaebum away.

“Please,” Jinyoung pushed at him, “please, please, let me go. I can’t do it anymore… I can’t do it…” Jaebum could barely breathe as he heard the desperation in Jinyoung’s voice. He felt desperation in his own heart, he wasn’t going to let Jinyoung do it.

“No,” Jaebum threw his arms around him as Jinyoung struggled. He couldn’t get a grip on him as Jinyoung pushed at him and tried so hard to get out from his grip. Jaebum grabbed the top of his arms near his shoulders. Jinyoung was fighting him but Jaebum wasn’t giving up on him. He’d never give up on him. Jinyoung was all he had left, he’d come back to him and Jaebum wasn’t going to loose him. 

“I can’t go on,” Jinyoung cried, “I can’t… Please just let me…”

Anger filled his heart. He was so angry. At Yang, at the Capitol. At everyone who hurt them. He was angry at the people who had let it go on for years and who had done nothing. He wouldn’t let them have Jinyoung. He’d brought him back, he’d brought Jinyoung back and he wasn’t going to let go.

“No!” Jaebum shouted at him, “You listen to me right now!” He shouted at Jinyoung. “You listen to me!” He shook Jinyoung hard and the youngers face changed to one of surprise as he looked at Jaebum. “You’re not letting go! You’re not giving up! I won’t let you! Damn it I won’t let you.”

“I can’t,” Jinyoung cried, “I’m not strong enough…”

“Bullshit,” Jaebum shouted at him, “that’s fucking bullshit!” Jinyoung was shaking and crying as Jaebum shook him again so hard, “You’re not weak! You’re not. You never have been Jinyoung! You’re not broken, you’re completely sane, what is going on is what happens when you’ve witnessed the games. It’s not your fault! It’s not your fault and there’s nothing wrong with you!” He shouted the things he wished someone had told him. The words he wished someone had said to him in his darkest moments. When he’d come back and no one had event tried to help him.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum said his name softer as he cried, “you’re not weak, you’re not. You’re strong, you’re the strongest person I know and it doesn’t matter what they did to you. You’re strong enough to beat this. You are, I know you are. I won’t ever give up on you because I know…” He cried more and Jinyoung’s expression faltered down to one of pure sorrow. Jaebum watched him melt and he reached for him and wrapped him tight in his arms.

He held Jinyoung against his chest as Jinyoung began to cry and sob. Jaebum cried, his own tears dripping into Jinyoung’s hair, his heart stuttering. He’d been so scared, so afraid. He was afraid he’d lose again, that he’d lose the last person he had in his life. Jinyoung had come into his life, and he wasn’t going to let go.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum cried as he held onto him, “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, that I didn’t come back. I’m sorry and I promise I won’t leave you again. I promise Jinyoung I’ll help you through, I’ll do whatever I can to help you. Please don’t give up on me, cause I won’t give up on you…” He just said every word he felt in his heart, for the boy who had become everything to him in such short amount of time.

Jinyoung’s father had been right about one thing. That Jaebum wanted love in his life, that he wanted someone who would love him. But it wasn’t enough just to be loved. He’d been alone so long, he’d missed what it was like to have anyone there in his life. Someone he could lean on and someone who could lean on him. Jinyoung was facing darkness and fear but Jaebum didn’t need Jinyoung to be his rock, he just wanted to be Jinyoung’s. He wanted to give Jinyoung what he never had.

He put his arm around him tight and kept him close as he walked back through the forest, the cold. Jaebum held him close to keep him warm, safe. He’d pulled him out and he was afraid if he’d let go that Jinyoung would slip away again. So he held the younger close as he found his way back through the forest and through the fence. He didn’t say a word and Jinyoung didn’t say anything either.

When they made it back to the victors village, Jaebum saw Jinyoung’s dad standing on his front porch. His eyes watched them, Jaebum looked away. He felt anger towards that man, anger that he’d done nothing to help Jinyoung. Anger that he’d fought to get Jaebum to stay away. Mostly he felt anger towards himself because he’d listened to the mans words and left Jinyoung’s side. He wouldn’t ever make that mistake again. He’d keep Jinyoung with him, where he knew the younger would be safe. Because Jaebum knew exactly what it was like to want to give up.

He knew what it was like to have the memories weighing so heavily on his shoulders. He knew what it was like to stand in the darkness and look into the face of death. He knew that he’d turned his own sorrow into hatred towards Yang. He didn’t want Jinyoung to end up the same way as him, bitter and alone. He wanted Jinyoung safe and free from the things that haunted him. 

Jaebum opened his door and led Jinyoung inside, the younger was slumped against him as if resigned. Jaebum pulled him close in both arms as the door shut and felt the steady beating of Jinyoung’s heart as he held him.

“You’re going to make it through this,” Jaebum said to him, “It’s going to be okay.” Jinyoung didn’t say anything, his hands gripped Jaebum’s shirt. Jaebum led him up to his room.

He wrapped Jinyoung in his arms and laid down and held him close. He was afraid to let go, afraid he would slip away but he needed to set his fears aside. He needed to set them aside and give Jinyoung the strength he needed to stand on his own again. He wanted Jinyoung to know how strong he was. To be able to get up and face each day with his strength.

“You’re worth it Jinyoung,” Jaebum said softly, “you’re worth fighting for. You’ll make it, you’re strong enough.”

He said it over and over, as Jinyoung kept crying and holding on. He kept saying it as the sunset, as night fell. He said it to Jinyoung until he fell asleep, till he fell into peace. Jaebum said it one last time right in his ear before letting sleep take him. And in the morning when he awoke to the night passed and looked into Jinyoung’s face he saw someone different. 

The storms in his mind had subsided. Jinyoung looked at him different, and in his eyes Jaebum could see a hope rising. A hope that all the nightmares and dark could end from his mind. That was enough for Jaebum. He smiled down at the younger and dreamed of the day that Jinyoung would be able to smile back, freed from the past. 

“Thank you,” Jinyoung whispered softly in the light of the morning.

“I promise,” Jaebum said softly, “I won’t let you go.” And Jinyoung melted into his arms against him as if to tell him in his own way that he felt safe, that he wasn’t leaving. That was enough for Jaebum in that moment. Enough to calm his fears, to make him really believe the worst day had passed and he would never see it come again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really difficult chapter to write, to get out. 
> 
> I wanted to get this one out as we approached the games to see a glimpse of what Jinyoung went through after the first games and how Jaebum helped him.
> 
> This incident has been referenced throughout A Burning Fire in subtle ways. It will be talked about in depth in A Burning Fire from Jinyoung's perspective. I felt now was a good time to put it out there with the games about to begin.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think if you were able to read it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think.


End file.
